May 21 performance: ESSEN
Oh food. My favourite subject. My biggest mental block. My ongoing love-hate relationship! So what better way to deal with the demons than to invite them in - and others to join me for the ride!
We're doing ESSEN (Eating) at the Shanghai restaurant in China Town. I'm not sure who selected the location but it is a brilliant choice! The food is fabulous. And the company is swell too.
The owner Don (or co-owner, apparently it is a small collective) is very welcoming - also taking photos of us, while we eat and feed each other.
Five couples in total. There were supposed to have been more, but, some didn't show up. Which is fine - the thing that I have learned a great deal about in doing these group intervention/actions is that YOU CAN'T CONTROL EVERYTHING. A huge lesson, to be sure. And so these performances are about LETTING GO of what doesn't work and just going with the flow of what does happen.
It is a gentle, subtle gesture, this performance. Véronique (public programs coordinator at the OAG) points this out early on as we're getting started. She is my eating partner. I think about this. Yes, it is subtle. In this current incarnation of the performance, it's not something that would hit you over the head (as participant or observer), but exists, rather, as an almost innocuous interference/disruption. And so this poses a question: does it need to be big(ger) in order to be effective? Easily arguable on both sides. But it all comes back down to the intention(s). What am I doing this for? And for whom?
From a perspective of mindfulness, I am mostly concerned with how present I am with the piece as it is unfolding. So from this angle, it is about being with a small, internal process.
This time around, hoo boy! Am I am ever aware of how strong I am struggling with my need to control how things are done - in this case at what pace I eat and what items I choose to stick in my mouth. So much for my spiel from above. But no, I do deal with it by giving myself a strategy. I decide that for the duration of this meal, I am not going to make suggestions or describe how I would like V. to feed me - I tell her instead to just offer me food as if she were preparing to take it in herself.
She will set the pace and make the choices. I will just go with it. What a challenge!
And then thinking about asking her what she would like, and if I'm shoveling food in to her mouth too quickly; all details that don't occur immediately. So it does become a negotiation - as opposed to a straight forward eating of a meal.
I do these performances to give myself the opportunity to slow down. (It seems to be kind of working).
Using chopsticks is a nice change - as is passing plates around. Adds interesting factors to the mix (I've only done this with forks previously).
Our post performance discussion includes:
- Noticing how those who usually eat fast, eat more slowly in this setting
- And the opposite too!
- The challenge one of the participants had in being fed by her 5 year old daughter
- How a conversation with anyone else during the meal (except the person one is 'working' with) is nearly impossible because just eating and getting food to one's partner takes up all of one's concentration.
My own personal observation:
I was still hungry at the end of my meal. And there was food left over but I was too shy to ask for more because a) I was the last one to finish eating and didn't want to make a fuss about staying longer. And b) I didn't want to appear like a glutton or something. A-ha. Still not comfortable with my food/body relationship.
We're doing ESSEN (Eating) at the Shanghai restaurant in China Town. I'm not sure who selected the location but it is a brilliant choice! The food is fabulous. And the company is swell too.
The owner Don (or co-owner, apparently it is a small collective) is very welcoming - also taking photos of us, while we eat and feed each other.
Five couples in total. There were supposed to have been more, but, some didn't show up. Which is fine - the thing that I have learned a great deal about in doing these group intervention/actions is that YOU CAN'T CONTROL EVERYTHING. A huge lesson, to be sure. And so these performances are about LETTING GO of what doesn't work and just going with the flow of what does happen.
It is a gentle, subtle gesture, this performance. Véronique (public programs coordinator at the OAG) points this out early on as we're getting started. She is my eating partner. I think about this. Yes, it is subtle. In this current incarnation of the performance, it's not something that would hit you over the head (as participant or observer), but exists, rather, as an almost innocuous interference/disruption. And so this poses a question: does it need to be big(ger) in order to be effective? Easily arguable on both sides. But it all comes back down to the intention(s). What am I doing this for? And for whom?
From a perspective of mindfulness, I am mostly concerned with how present I am with the piece as it is unfolding. So from this angle, it is about being with a small, internal process.
This time around, hoo boy! Am I am ever aware of how strong I am struggling with my need to control how things are done - in this case at what pace I eat and what items I choose to stick in my mouth. So much for my spiel from above. But no, I do deal with it by giving myself a strategy. I decide that for the duration of this meal, I am not going to make suggestions or describe how I would like V. to feed me - I tell her instead to just offer me food as if she were preparing to take it in herself.
She will set the pace and make the choices. I will just go with it. What a challenge!
And then thinking about asking her what she would like, and if I'm shoveling food in to her mouth too quickly; all details that don't occur immediately. So it does become a negotiation - as opposed to a straight forward eating of a meal.
I do these performances to give myself the opportunity to slow down. (It seems to be kind of working).
Using chopsticks is a nice change - as is passing plates around. Adds interesting factors to the mix (I've only done this with forks previously).
Our post performance discussion includes:
- Noticing how those who usually eat fast, eat more slowly in this setting
- And the opposite too!
- The challenge one of the participants had in being fed by her 5 year old daughter
- How a conversation with anyone else during the meal (except the person one is 'working' with) is nearly impossible because just eating and getting food to one's partner takes up all of one's concentration.
My own personal observation:
I was still hungry at the end of my meal. And there was food left over but I was too shy to ask for more because a) I was the last one to finish eating and didn't want to make a fuss about staying longer. And b) I didn't want to appear like a glutton or something. A-ha. Still not comfortable with my food/body relationship.